Privacy Policy

Americans for Prosparody (A4PP) is a North Carolina nonprofit political corporation tax-exempt under Section 501(c)(4) of the Internal Revenue Code. A4PP created this Privacy Policy to explain how A4PP uses the information you may provide while visiting A4PP’s websites or social media pages and to demonstrate A4PP’s commitment to obeying the already flimsy online privacy laws. A4PP may modify this policy from time to time. By using A4PP’s website or other services, you agree to the terms of this Privacy Policy and any applicable Terms of Use. Warning: this Policy is going to be incredibly boring, but you really should read it.

HOW YOUR INFORMATION IS USED. A4PP will only collect information about you if it has a reason to do so, like communicating with you or providing or improving A4PP’s services. When you register, donate, sign up to volunteer, use the restroom, or take any other action on A4PP’s websites, A4PP may ask you to give us contact information, including your name, address, telephone number, or email address. A4PP uses this information to operate this site, send news and information to you about the organization, invite you to participate in A4PP’s programs, events, and activities, and obtain and confirm RSVPs to events or programs. Such events may allow you to legally buy access to politicians who only have time to hang with donors, but you probably can’t afford them. A4PP uses your email address to send such information by email or telegraph. A4PP will not provide any of your information to any other person or organization unless A4PP has a legal obligation to do so, must do so to protect A4PP’s rights, or wants to raise a bunch of money selling our contact list the same as the other political organizations do. We might even just swap lists with another organization to get more contacts to bury in a Hormel factory’s worth of spam.

CHILDREN. In accordance with federal law, A4PP will not solicit or accept personally identifying information from any person under 13 years of age. Visitors to A4PP’s websites who are under 13 years of age should use the websites only with the supervision and assistance of a parent or legal guardian and should never submit personally identifying information to the A4PP websites. No one under 13 years of age should donate or take any other action through this website. Go play Minecraft and only use TikTok for at most twelve hours a day.

CREDIT CARD INFORMATION. When you make donations or purchases through A4PP’s website, A4PP’s transaction-processing vendors collect credit card information from you. That information is used exclusively for processing your transaction. A4PP does not retain (or even see) your credit card information and that information is not disclosed to anyone except as needed to process your transaction. A4PP and its vendors use industry-standard security measures to protect the information under their control. Permission to access the information is granted only to you and to A4PP vendors who need to know the information, all of whom have a duty to keep the information confidential. Although A4PP makes good faith efforts to keep this information secure, A4PP cannot guarantee complete security. Most likely, the Russian and Chinese governments have already stolen your credit card info anyway.

COOKIES & DATA TRACKING. A cookie is a delicious, sugary treat. It is also a piece of data stored on the user’s hard drive containing information about the user. Some parts of A4PP’s websites may be password-protected. A4PP may use cookies (cookies reside on your computer and are under the control of your browser) to help A4PP remember and process items that you purchase through this site and/or to compile aggregate data about visitors to the site and their interaction with the site for the purposes of improving the operation of the site and/or offering better site experiences and tools in the future. That definitely was a run-on sentence. A4PP may also use cookies to enable you to return to password-protected areas of the website without needing to re-enter your password. If you wish to disable these cookies, the help portion of the toolbar on most browsers will tell you how to do that. Or just Google it; we are a political organization, not IT consultants. If you set your browser to disable cookies, however, you may not be able to access certain parts of A4PP’s websites, especially the juicy parts. A4PP may also use third-party services that help us understand traffic patterns and know whether there are problems with A4PP’s website. A4PP may also use embedded images in emails to track open rates for A4PP’s mailings so that A4PP can tell which mailings appeal most to recipients. URLs contained in emails may contain an ID that enables A4PP to correctly identify the person taking an action using a web page. A4PP may occasionally present a shortened URL that references a longer URL that contains an ID to simplify the display, prevent links from becoming broken when copied, and ensure compatibility with email programs that do not handle long URLs. See, we warned you this is boring. When a shortened URL is displayed in an email, you will see the full URL in the browser’s address bar when you access the page. Have you actually read this far? What the heck is wrong with you? Go do something productive like doom-scrolling on Twitter.

EXTERNAL LINKS. This Privacy Policy only applies to A4PP’s website and any future websites that A4PP may develop. It does not apply to any external links or cover sites that are linked to by this site or other sites for which we are not responsible. These linked sites will have their own policies and practices, which may be different from A4PP’s. Their policies are likely much longer and more interesting than this one. Therefore, A4PP encourages you to familiarize yourself with the policies and practices of these external sites, especially if you provide personal information or DNA to them.

CALIFORNIA ONLINE PRIVACY PROTECTION ACT COMPLIANCE. A4PP complies with the California Online Privacy Protection Act, the Tea Act of 1773, and the Nevada Gaming Commission’s Guidelines on Desert Fishing. We do not collect billing or credit card information. Changes to billing or credit card information must be made through our vendors. That is their problem, not ours.

CHANGES TO THIS PRIVACY POLICY. Even though this document is perfect, A4PP retains the right to update this Privacy Policy at any time. By using A4PP’s websites, you consent to the collection and use of the information as described. If A4PP changes its policies and practices, A4PP will post the changes in the Privacy Policy, so that you are always aware of them, so long as you regularly reread this Policy as recommended. With this knowledge, you can make an informed decision about whether you wish to provide personal information to A4PP.

HOW TO CONTACT US. If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, you may contact us by email: or by the contact form on the A4PP website (if we create one, which we probably won’t).

Also complies with the Code of Hammurabi, 7 of the 10 Commandments, the Lex Antia sumptuaria 1 , the Buggery Act of 1533, the Papal Bull Contra astrologos iudiciarios 2 , and the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act of 1930.

©2023 by A4PP Inc. All rights reserved.

1 law of the Roman Republic prohibiting magistrates from participating in fancy banquets while in office
2 decree from the 1600s prohibiting the use of astrology to forecast the death of the Pope